Heavy

Tonight I find myself wondering about so many things.
I wonder why some people are granted 100 years of life, others only a few hours or a few short years.
Today I lost a beautiful friend. A completely loyal friend who was also an all around wonderful lady, a devoted wife, and one of the best mothers I have ever met in my entire life.
I hate cancer.
My heart is broken for her precious family who has already been through so much and now has lost so much.
I'm catching myself looking at the suffering our own family has gone through in the last year as well. A different kind of heartache than the one I feel tonight, but a struggle none the less. Our struggle.
And at times, I can't see God in most of it.
And then I see Him in all of it. In the little things.
I guess it depends on which perspective I choose to have.
My heart is so heavy.